I'm a l-o-s-e-r

Here is what I’ve determined today – I AM A TOTAL LOSER!!!!!! I spent a little too much time browsing on ye ol’ world wide web today and it really hit me like a ton of bricks…

Have you ever gone to a friend’s blog and then ended up seeing her friends, then those friends, and on & on??? That’s what I did and that’s how I came to realize what a l-o-s-e-r I really am.

This is what other SAHMs are busy doing while I’m neglecting my kids – well, they are on their computers in their rooms (I think we have too many computers) and hanging out online….

Making homemade soaps, jams, bracelets, quilts, pillows, hair bows, backpacks, etc. ALL of which are very crafty & cute! They are baking & cooking all kinds of fabulous pies, breads, sandwiches, iced cookies, etc. AND then taking & posting pictures of their creations. They’re taking amazing photos and digitally making them works of art. Many of these ladies are sewing experts and seem to push out at least a dozen or so different CUTE outfits for their little ones every day! Some of them have multiple blogs – one for each kid, one for photography, one for their online business, one for their pets, etc. etc. They post about their fav. beauty products and rename their hair color! MOSTLY, what so many of them blog about is how freakin’ organized they are. As if I didn’t already feel badly enough about my non-creative, non-baking, non-good-camera-having self!!!

So, let me be REAL for a moment…. Here is what I’ve gotten accomplished today: I did get up early, but then went back to bed. The kids had pre-packaged food for breakfast. We haven’t left the house yet. I’ve baked nothing, cooked nothing, made nothing, created nothing, and cleaned nothing. I bought nothing on sale. I did manage to do a couple of loads of laundry. I stripped my bed, but haven’t remade it yet. I talked on the phone for at least an hour or two. I am dressed.

Man, that is the last time I go for a "quick" browse on the internet… thanks for nothing!

Daddy is home

T returned (once again) from the Middle East a few days ago. We are so thankful and grateful to have him here,
if only for a short time.
He will again, return to FL and his job.
We continue on with the pursuit of selling our house, but are now really hoping Tony can just get back here.
For now, we will cherish the moments we have together as a family. They are few and far between.

Panama City Beach, FL

We were able to visit PCB, FL again a few weeks ago. This time, our guests were Ricardo, our Spanish exchange student and my beautiful mom from SD.

The atmosphere was entirely different from when we were there in February when it was cold & vacant. This time, there were people EVERYWHERE while the sand and water were warm and inviting!!! It was so wonderful. The water was crystal clear, the sand was hot and sugary, the kids had a great time, my mom and I just enjoyed being together and relaxing.

The highlight of the trip had to be our ‘swimming with the dolphins’ excursion! We had a pontoon and a captain for 2 hours out in the gulf. Right off the bat we found a pod of dolphins and the captain started shouting, ‘go, go, jump, get out there NOW!’ We were in and out of the water many, many times and came VERY close to touching the dolphins – within a foot or so – but Ricardo was the only one of us that had contact. We did this for 1 ½ hrs or so and then anchored while we all got out and swam in the crystal clear water seeing tons of little sand dollars below. We have quite a stash of them now.

Anxious to be able to go again soon!!!

Numbers...

Today, Sunday, July 12th, I will have been married to my sweetheart for 22 years! I’ve now been married for 3 years longer than I was single. Hard to believe! I’m pretty confident that no one thought it would last. After all, I was only 19-years-old, T was 23. We had only known each other for 6 months and had only been ‘engaged’ for 3 of them! The odds were most certainly stacked against us. Neither of us had any money, college degrees or good-paying jobs – aren’t those the pre-cursors to a healthy, successful marriage??! And, bonus, T had orders to leave right away – moving to Sicily, Italy. I should have recognized the start of a very stressful pattern – absence & sacrifice. We were however, madly in love and no one could convince us to think rationally!

I moved my very naïve self across the world and joined my beloved in Sicily. As blissfully happy newlyweds, we had 3 male roommates. T & I us shared a twin bed! Yes, there was 1 communal bathroom for these 4 men & I; how romantic!? After 1 year in Sicily, we moved to FL for 7 years, then NE for 2 years, then SD for 8 years, now in GA for the past 3+ while T divides his time between FL and the Middle East.

We had 9 years of ‘DINKhood’ (dual-income-no-kids) that allowed us to mature, grow, travel, basically get to know each other, etc. I got my much-sought-after college degree(s.) T’s job turned into a 22 ½ year career in the USAF. Fast forward to today with our 3 wonderful kids and 1 albatross (thanks for the great word, KL) of a house that we can’t get rid of; life certainly has thrown us some curves.

We have spent countless numbers of years apart from one another within his career. T has consistently given huge portions of his life to his job – his country - in order to support his family and continues to steadfastly agree with me that one of us needs to be home to care for the family & the home. I’m so very thankful that God brought me a man so like-minded (at least on that subject:).

16 months is how long we’ve now been separated by T living in another state & country…. again, sacrificing for our well-being. Over 486 days that our children have not had the continuity that an intact family life brings. Approximately 11,000 hours have gone by that the kids haven’t been able to count on their Daddy being at home:(…. My heart continues to ache for them.

An infinite number of tears I’ve cried. Limitless numbers of wiping noses. Immeasurable numbers of conversations we’ve had. Endless numbers of prayers we’ve lifted up… ALL without T here. However, we know he loves us and he cares for us and he would change the situation in ONE minute – if he could.

So, even though today’s milestone – my wedding anniversary, finds me alone yet again, I’m choosing to be thankful… thankful that I have a terrific man to love & who loves me. Today, even though the absences and sacrifices have never been easy, my joy comes from knowing that we share a love that surpasses numbers whether they are time zones, zip codes, phone numbers, or addresses.

I love you, T – today & always.

One event after the next....

HOUSE:
Not only have we dropped the asking price of our house by at least $20k, now the dreaded property value assessments have arrived and ours has dropped by $19k!!!!!!! Mean while, our neighbor’s only dropped $7k; I totally don’t understand.
Incidentally, according to the paper, the metro Atlanta values dropped a total of $5 BILLION!!!!!!!! The economic news just gets better and better – NOT!

TONY:
Remains in Iraq… got his return flight home at least and is scheduled to arrive on 7/27. We’ll see about that, however, as this is usually changed due to available flights leaving the Middle East, etc. Please, Lord, get him back safely!

XIAN:
As many 13-year-olds, is practically sleeping his summer away. We started out the summer with sleep-over after sleep-over… they’ve apparently gotten sick of one another since those have abruptly stopped! He is back in guitar lessons and spend hours every day practicing.

LILY:
LB’s asthma is under control PTL however, she was involved in a freak accident last Saturday when another little girl doused her with ("100% natural") air freshener spray (basically, citric acid) all over her bathing suit. It proceeded to rapidly burn her skin and put her through excruciating pain!!! It was horrible! According to her Dr, her burns were on the verge of 2nd degree!! She is still recovering from this latest catastrophe… the burn areas are terribly itchy to her :(

MIMI:
Enjoying the extra time spent with her brother and sister and is always the first one to awake every morn. She remains cautious and very, very attached to me. What a joy she is!

ME:
I live to entertain others… don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed to have this role, but it does get monotonous and is completely thankless. I miss my husband terribly and just continue to pray for us to be reunited under one roof. I hope someday I can understand why we’ve been put through this.

US:
We’re expecting our lovely Spanish exchange student, Ricardo again in a few days. He’ll, once again, be with us through the month of July. We have lots of fun things planned.
We’re prepared for another week at the beach while he is here and the best part is that my mom will be joining us – YEAH! We’re all very excited!

Dad's Day 2009

As Father’s Day 2009 is inevitably upon us today, I’ll write once again about how much we truly miss our Tony! I would have never imagined that as we approach our 22nd wedding anniversary we’d continue this pattern of separation that has been such a constant in our life.

I certainly thought that BY NOW, we’d have roots established and could at least temporarily suspend the craziness that comes along with yet another move or absence. I thought I could assuredly count on my kids having our entire family under one roof and having the comforts that we’ve worked so hard for…. not the comforts that may initially come to mind like stuff, things, material possessions, etc…. I’m referring to the comforts that T & I have suffered and sacrificed greatly for ~ such as two parents that love each other, a mom and a dad that -- even though we are far from perfect -- love and cherish our children and put them above all else, the stability that comes along with both parents under one roof, that ‘I-know-I’m-safe’ feeling that kids get when they are falling asleep, knowing they’ll wake up with the structure, support, and continuity that two parents can bring to their lives.

However, this Father’s Day represents something even more special to me. T & I have strived to teach the kids lessons that are more important than any of the above. We’ve tried to live our lives as a representation of how no matter what – God is in control. It is so apparent that neither T nor I have much control over our current situation or we DEFINITELY would have changed something about it by now! And, even though we don’t know why things in our lives are not as we would choose and we don’t know when they will change, we will follow, obey and trust that God will work all of this out for good!

Does that make it easier for any of us today on Dad’s Day?? No, not particularly… we are all human and our human emotions make us cry and feel sad and miss him more than ever…. We love you Tony and we can only hope that you remain safe and that you are soon home and God’s will is for us to all be together again soon!

Happy Father’s Day!!!!

p.s. For those of you that may remember MY dad, the wonderful & mighty Mr. Ken Keck, it has been 13 years that he has been gone. I'm missing him today, too.

LB's GOTCHA Day

LOOK at LB reaching for Xian's hair!!!

How can 5 years have flown by already?

On May 24nd, we celebrated FIVE glorious years since Miss Lily Bean has been in our lives. I vividly remember the emotions I felt as we awaited the escorts to walk them (there were 2 babies being escorted home) off the plane. When LB’s plane landed in Omaha, there apparently was an announcement on the plane before people disembarked. The steward announced that there were 2 babies on the plane that were meeting their forever families for the first time. As people came down that hallway, I wondered why so many of them gawked at us (with our full array of AV equipment) and stopped and waited. We didn’t know an announcement had been made on the plane. WHY didn’t they let these escorts & babies out first then?? :)

Anyway, it seemed to take an eternity and finally here they came! Through the tears, I could make out two babies. We were all shaking and nervous and excited – overwhelmed! Finally, I knew which baby was mine… the beautiful lady escorting her graciously handed her over to me and hugged me tightly. As we tried to soak in the moment, Lily was only interested in ONE thing = Christian’s hair! We figure she had probably never seen blonde, curly hair before.
The other travelers were surrounding us – many were cheering and there were lots of tears... very special!

I’ll save the rest of the novel I could write about what Lily has brought to our lives – all good!!!
We love you dear Lily!